Defeating the Monster

Where I Am Now:
To start off, I am in a huge art slump. Part of it has to do with my personal life; my older brother died during spring break last year, my younger brother has been estranged since August, and I've been having repercussions of a nasty relationship with my biological father. Another part has to do with the fact that I decided not to return to CoSA Visual Arts sophomore year; basically, I'm the only motivator to put out artwork. Something else that has been hindering me is that I've always hated art homework. I despise structured art classes with a passion. A BURNING PASSION. I have absolutely no motivation to succeed in Advanced Art class.

Actually, that's a lie. My motivation, ironically, does come from my art class. I feel surrounded by people with drawing capabilities far inferior to my own. I'm probably just pumping up my ego, but that's my opinion. I don't want to lose my skills. I'd eventually like to have a side-career involving art; maybe freelance illustration, portraiture, or tattooing (with Olivia!).

Room for Improvement
As far as improvement goes, I'd like to work on profiles more, being able to draw somebody's portrait and make it actually look like them. I heard somewhere that when artists draw portraits the portraits tend to loosely resemble the artist more than the person the portrait is of. I definitely do this, and would like to eliminate all self-resemblance in future portraits.

After portraits I'd like to move on to painting. Yes, I can paint, but not as loosely or easily as Katy, and certainly not as picture-perfect as Olivia. I'm somewhere in the middle; loose perfection, I suppose. I'd like my paintings to develop a style of their own, which means only one thing: I have to start painting more. I hate painting in art class, so I'll be taking my paints home for "sleep overs" more often now.

I would like to experiment in new projects altogether. Scrapbooking is a definite veto, but collaging is a better alternative than that pathetic excuse to waste a Sunday reliving memories. I've film a couple sketches where I drew portraits under a camera, which I'd like to eventually expand upon. I hope to film a complete painting from start to finish after I reach a point where I feel comfortable with my painting skills. I would like to incorporate mixed media into my paintings after reaching that pinnacle. I've seen a couple interesting paintings- my favorite was a large landscape painting with a giant tree branch glued onto the canvas, instead of painting a tree in the foreground. Fun projects like that are definitely motivation to improve my artistic skills.



Defeating the Monster
That's about all I'd like to work on for my art. Obviously I'd like to push my art as far as I can, but for now I'm happy just refining and strengthening my skills. Right now, because of my art slump I don't feel like an artist at all. I feel like everything I draw has no value and is horrible. But an art slump is just a brick wall I need to get around. I've been working on defeating this monster by listening to as many different genres of music as I can handle, browsing online sketchbooks, and making trips to the library. The most difficult part of defeating an art slump is just putting yourself out there; you have to surround yourself with new environments, people, and as much diversity as you can.

Another part of defeating an art slump is working on what you're good at. I feel really comfortable just sketching, so I've been trying to do a lot of that lately. I don't feel like I have to finish any pieces; that's a part of art class that I despise: Why should we have to finish a project? For me, half-finished sketches are beautiful because there's a certain mystery as to what the end product was intended to be. My sketchbook is full of half-inked drawings that I will never finish and really don't want to. The beauty of a sketchbook is just that; I don't have any pressure to finish anything, and no one's grading me or harping on me to finish.

After defeating my monster I will graduate high school, go to college, possibly join the Navy or Marine Corps, and continue my art life working from a giant desk outside. I will accept commissions as I please, refuse to talk to anyone unless I want to, and be published as an anonymous writer satirizing the current state of American society. I may or may not ever visit Coronado again, but I will definitely live in an income-tax-free state.

But that's only possible if I work as hard as I can to jump over this brick wall.